Families are a heavenly idea. God the Father established the first family of the human race, and has spoken of the human race as a collection of families. (Genesis 12:3)

Normality
God created a supernatural union between a man and a woman such that they are joined to one another as a couple and become “one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) Out of two individuals in their individual lives, He forms a single structure—the core of a family—capable of fulfilling His purposes for the next generation.

God intends that families be sheltering refuges (holy tabernacles) within which children learn wisdom, knowledge and virtue from their parents. He declares He has made a husband and wife one in the covenant of marriage so that there could be godly offspring. (Malachi 2:15) Proverbs, especially—like Proverbs 22:6 (“train up a child”), and many other parts of Scripture testify to God’s intent, and to the role godly parents should play.

The Law given to Moses plainly underlines the importance of family in life: “Honor your father and mother.” (Exodus 20:12) Scripture says much of the role of godly children in a family’s life.

The Scripture also speaks of childhood’s end: children grow to be men and women and go on to lead their own lives. Earthly childhood is temporary. The dominance of a family over a person’s choices—is temporary.

Genesis 2:24 speaks of a man leaving father and mother, and with his wife establishing a new household. Accordingly, Abram left Ur and his kindred to go with his wife Sarai to the land God had promised, a land where He later renamed them Abraham and Sarah. Similarly, Sarah had left behind her family and all that was familiar. Rebekah did that too, and so did Leah and Rachel in their generation. In all the stories of the patriarchs, the Bible focuses on the choices the patriarchs themselves made, good or bad—NOT on choices and agendas forced upon them by parents or grandparents.

Generations later, Ezekiel double-underlined this basic fact for Israel in Ezekiel 18:5-20. A righteous man’s son can go astray and be lost; they are two distinct lives with distinct choices. Even more telling (verses 14-17), an unrighteous man’s son can observe the father’s sins, consider them—and deliberately refuse to do likewise! His choice to be righteous in the face of his father’s ungodly doings has God’s stamp of approval—“he shall not die for the iniquity of the father, he shall surely live.” (v. 17)

Calamity
God meant families to pass down wisdom and knowledge from one generation to the next. (For a positive example, see Timothy’s family in 2 Timothy 1:5.) But, just as sinful men and evil spirits have attacked every other part of God’s creation, they have worked long and hard at turning the family into an instrument for evil.

Too often, families pass down evil, too. As the human mouth often turns to cursing, and the human body turns to serving sin, so the “fallen family” often sets itself to oppose God.

How, you ask?

First, the enemy, working through evil spirits, attacks families and labors hard to pass curses down to the next generation, some in traditions, some pushed down in spite of the family members’ own best intentions.

Second, family members pass traditions down, deliberately and often with great zeal. Some traditions are helpful, and some harmless, but some are very harmful. Yet all are passed on, often as a package.

Calamity in Unintended Curses
What do I mean by family curses pushed down in spite of the family’s own intentions? A history of family violence, of drunkenness, of child abuse, of overriding love of money—these multi-generation patterns of trouble are no accident. The enemy is a cynical destroyer, and loves nothing better than to push the calamity of one generation into the next. He is pragmatic, and will exploit any particular susceptibility he may find in a family.

Calamity in Traditions
Even sadder, if that were possible, are the curses deceived parents pass on to children conveyed through hurtful, anti-Biblical traditions packaged as if they were blessings. I will list some of them:

1. Family idolatry—altars, statues, crucifixes, charms, amulets, and more;

2. Family loyalty claims that override the claims of Jesus;

3. Family demands for obedience that do not yield to the Word of God;

4. Family projects and objectives that have nothing in common with God’s Kingdom;

5. Family pride and boasting that deny the Gospel, the Cross, and the Risen Savior;

6. Family prejudice—racial, ethnic, or religious;

7. Family rivalry, resentment and hostility directed toward outsiders.

That a family may so actively oppose God’s good purpose for people helps us understand why Jesus said (Matthew 10:35-38):

For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.

Redemption and Family
What about family in the new Creation? When God raised Jesus from the dead, Jesus became the beginning of a new human race, created anew by God. 1 Corinthians 15 declares that Jesus is therefore the second Adam, and that is why “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17) Unlike the families of the first Adam, the descendants of the Second Adam share God as their common Father, and are members of a single family, God’s family, His household. (Ephesians 2:13-19)

Does that make the natural family obsolete for believers? By no means! My personal experience as a Christian husband and father has only confirmed and deepened my appreciation for God’s wisdom in creating the family and its relationships as the principal provision for all the needs of childhood.

Family is also God’s provision to care for older, needy or infirm family members, as Paul writes: “But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God … But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever … If any believing woman has relatives who are widows, let her care for them…..” (1 Timothy 5:4,8,16)

If we can’t care for and pray for and love the people with whom we have grown up, how are we going to do all that for people we don’t even know? 1 John 4:20, 21 applies to natural family as well as to God’s household:

If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

Jesus didn’t throw out the Law; He fulfilled it. Consider how he cared and provided for His mother, even as he hung on the Cross (John 19:26-27). “Honor your father and mother” is fulfilled by loving them with a pure heart for Jesus’ sake, and doing everything that God gives you to do for their benefit.

God’s Word on the Fallen Family
At this point, we come to a confrontation, at least for some believers. Many believers have grown up in traditions where the family is practically everything, and the younger serves the older—period. That claim rests on bedrock tradition in many cultures: Buddhist tradition, Confucian tradition, Hispanic Catholic tradition and some Protestant traditions are examples.

That family tradition juggernaut rolls to crush the believer, at times, because it rolls against God and His Christ. Here are five examples I know of personally—and not the most extreme, either:

• A Roman Catholic family forbids a young believer to attend Christian meetings and Bible studies—basically house arrest on Sundays!

• A Protestant family tells a young man he is disinherited if he continues as a believer.

• A Protestant family cuts off their son’s university tuition because he insists on spending time with other believers instead of staying home with the family.

• A Roman Catholic family claims continuing authority over their believing, unmarried daughter who is well past age 21.

• A Protestant family calls in a university dean to attack their son’s “extreme” claims of a personal walk with God.

A little later, I’ll describe how these five situations turned out. The fact is, the bedrock family traditions always crumble when hauled into the light of God’s truth. The Scripture speaks to you as a believer in this confrontation:

…Conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile, knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot. 1 Peter 1:17-19

Peter declares to you that the way you went about your life according to the tradition—was futile: the Greek word there means “empty!” A life based on human tradition is EMPTY—and God has rescued you from it! He bought you back—redeemed you—by the blood of the Lamb, our Lord Jesus.

We should all know the Scripture, “Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life.” (1 John 5:12) Jesus reminded us of that when he answered the man who stood at the crossroads of discipleship, and family tugged at him.

Another of the disciples said to him, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” And Jesus said to him, “Follow me, and leave the dead to bury their own dead.” Matthew 8:21,22

Jesus pointed his disciple to the crux of discipleship: “Follow me.” He showed that by contrast, the competing family claim was a detour to an unfruitful use of the life. “Whoever has the Son has life!” Be sure that when Jesus moves on to the next step—into a ship, across an ocean, whatever—you are following Him, uncompromised.

Practical Liberty for You
So as the family tradition juggernaut rolls toward you, threatening to crush your liberty in Christ, what do you KNOW?

1. This domineering tradition is not of God.

2. The way of life it commands is empty.

3. Jesus paid the ultimate blood-price to set you free from it. He is your liberator.

4. God’s purpose for your natural family works in spite of, not in line with, these dominating traditions.

Now that you know that, what do you DO?

1. Inspect the Word of God on the subject.

2. Once you are persuaded of His Word, choose to obey God rather than man.

3. Draw near to God for His help, illumination and strength to stand.

4. Resist and refuse the principalities and powers that have gloved their oppression against you inside these traditions.

5. Speak to the family members with a mixture of love, respect—and absolute liberty in Christ. As the Lord leads, take occasion to show them, by words or deeds, that Christ is your Lord, your only Lord.

He who is the Lord’s servant, as Jesus said, is free indeed. Let me go back to the examples I gave earlier, and how they turned out:

• The young believer housebound on Sundays?—never grew bitter with the family, but found quiet ways to slip out and attend meeting after meeting, growing in the Lord. The long-term result was a vigorous, mature believer with a warm continuing family relationship.

• The disinherited young disciple?—held faithful to the Lord through it all, and over the years has become closer and dearer than ever to his family. He has been a minister of the Gospel to his family, which came to know and believe his love for them. Some became believers themselves.

• The university student with the cut-off tuition?—went right on with God, graduated, and found the Lord made a way to both restore and deepen his relationship with his family, as he prayed and patiently believed.

• The adult, unmarried daughter?—left her parents’ house, found an apartment with Christian sisters in the Lord, later answered a missionary call, and found the Lord both led her on and kept the lines open to minister to her family.

• The son with the “extremist” walk with God?—survived the Dean’s interview, and went on to find a path to both ministry and a secular career so sensible as to pull the rug out from under the family’s fears. Little by little, he found enlarged opportunities to minister to his family.

“If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. ..” John 13:17

To sum up:

If you have given yourself to the Lord Jesus, then claim your freedom, your permanent liberation in Christ.

Insist on that freedom; it is your inheritance in Jesus.

Make freedom in Christ the foundation for your continuing love, prayer and ministry to your natural family, as the Lord leads.

Amen.

© 2012, 2021 P. K. Chamberlain. All rights reserved.